American Idol Top 11

Here's my power rankings for the last 11 contestants ...

Your Cab To The Airport Is Waiting

11. Thia Megia:  It's nice to see this little robot got a software upgrade that includes a setting for "Fun," but she just doesn't have the charisma to compete in this thing. Her voice is almost perfect but her personality is so average. Can you imagine listening to a whole concert by her?

10. Haley Reinhart:  No reason to think she won't be in the bottom three again. And she should fire her wardrobe person - not sure how to describe her outfit but she looked like she was going to topple over at any minute. It's OK to wear shoes with less than 7 inch heels - really, it's fine.

9. Naima Adedopo: I just looked up how to spell her name and I'm pretty sure I still got it wrong. She completely wears me out and if I was choosing, she'd go home just so we don't have to see her dance anymore. Someone needs to tell her this is American Idol not So You Think You Can Dance. She sang OK last night but why give up 10 seconds of your time on stage to do a dance routine when this is a singing competition? In other news, at the NFL combine Cam Newton spent 30 minutes showcasing his golf swing.

You Should Probably Get Started On That First Record

8. Lauren Alaina: The good news -- her mom got the message was wearing a very age/color appropriate gray outfit. (What are the chances that her pink explosion last week was a prank?) The bad news -- her song wasn't great and I'm afraid that Lauren won't go as far as we once thought. She still cracks me up when she's interviewed but her songs just don't seem to be connecting like they once did.

7. Paul McDonald: At this point I think he's hoping to get voted out so he can go record a record or something. Each week the judges and producers crow about his unique voice. It seems like he's not as good at singing as the other peeps, but I can definitely see people jamming into Austin City Limits to listen to him and watch him drunkenly stumble around the stage.  I hope that the producers and judges don't get him overthinking everything. He seems to be trying to perform a little differently now than before.

6. Stefano Langone: I love that he did "Hello." And I'm not sure what everyone wants for a "connection." He's just not the kind of guy who's going to run around the stage slapping hands and dancing with J.Lo (but he should try that - she's obviously all about him!). He's best when he just stands in place and sings his little soap opera villian doppleganger heart out. And I don't know who that Gordon Ramsey guy was, but it was pretty cold of him to dis Stefano's mom's pasta. What a jack-wagon.

Where The Competition Really Begins

5. Jacob Lusk: If anyone is surprised that he did well with Motown week, you'll be excited to hear that water is wet.  Come on, this week was set up for him like "Sing a Country Song and Nothing Else week" for Scotty. To his credit, he followed the producers' advice and let the song come to him (thanks Bill Walton). His facial gymnastics are starting to wear me out (look for this theme to recur), but when he just sings a song I really like him. How come the judges don't tell him to walk around or something? He's just as rooted as Stefano and has his eyes just as closed.  I think that's called charisma or something ...

4. Casey Abrams: This guy has been a favorite of mine, but I'm worried about him. He came out as such a favorite that I think the judges and voters will get a little tired of him. He killed it last night with his song and he's probably going to have a great singing career but I can tell that he's probably already in 8th gear and this show seems like it rewards people who start in 2nd gear and move to 5th.

Quick pet peeve: Casey (and pretty much everyone else) declared last night that he "grew up with Motown" -- Really?  I didn't know the Supremes were recording in the mid 90s.  Does he mean Michael Jackson?  Because I'm pretty sure he recorded "Thriller" somewhere else.  Hearing "My Girl" on the radio three times doesn't count as growing up with something.  I think they mean they grew up hearing about Motown. When Scotty "I'll turn Meatloaf into a country singer" McCreery talks about it I call foul.

3. Pia Toscano: In a shocking development, Pia sang well, looked like a mannequin, waved her arms like Miss America, and ... was actually really impressive.  I mean, she just sounds good.  And I love how the judges get on her about only singing ballads when Scotty sings country songs every week (can you tell I'm sick of him???). She's a smart singer and she picks songs that showcase her best voice and she rocks them. No complaints here.

I Can Tell This Won't End the Way I Want It To


2. Scotty McCreery: Oh Scotty. You're just so limited (and creepy). I know that every time I hear you sing I think I'm at an actual Randy Travis concert. But can you please watch yourself sing sometime? No guy holds the microphone with two hands. And Elvis called - he doesn't want his lip curl back he just wants to tell you it looks lame when you try to copy him. He also said that you move your head around when you sing in ways that makes people feel creepy. But I've resigned myself to the fact that you'll sail through each week singing the same song in a couple different keys and people will love it.  Whatever.  See you at the Dawson County fair in a few years.

1. James Durbin: James, you completely wear me out. You seem like a nice guy but get over yourself.  After your song is over, get to the mark and listen to the judges. Stop pandering to the crowd and pointing out every person you see. You look like an idiot - a cocky idiot (which is the worst kind). I really want to like you but you're insufferable. And you refuse to quit wearing that stupid tail. You aren't Steven Tyler. Not even close. And you sing really well so why do you insist on screaming into the microphone each week?  I get it, you can sing real high (cue Derek from "Stepbrothers"). You just look like you're trying very hard to convince yourself that you're a certain person and I'm not buying it.  But congratulations, you and Scotty are going to be in the finals and I'm going to shoot my TV with a shotgun.